Really good dating jokes

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The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back! When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams." Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch. " The fat man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp." Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes? A: Pumpkin pi Q: Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino? Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? " A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. “Now you know how I always feel.” A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, "At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex." The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his sex life. ." The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, "Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick." A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. " The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one." Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I want to be the best golfer ever." The surprised genie said, "You sure? Now your wife gets one wish." Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away, "I want a million dollars every week of my life." The genie said, "Granted.The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, "Oh, I had to make a talk about yachting," his wife thought this a little peculiar but said nothing more and went to sleep. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so its been a while since I've been with a woman.They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large.

Gracie: “Did you ever know that my uncle Otis ran for city councilman of San Francisco? I want one, but I can’t decide what I want and I don’t want to be stuck with one I’m just going to grow to hate and have to have surgically removed later.” Still looking for your next partner?We’re lucky to live in a country with one of the greatest natural resources in the free world. We have more comedy icons, per capita, than any other nation in the world.From past legends like Groucho Marx and Lenny Bruce to modern-day masters of comedy like Chris Rock and David Letterman, their pithy observations on modern life is what keeps us sane, and reminds us that laughter will always be the best medicine.While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes! " Dylan turned to his wife, who said, "I guess for all that, I should.He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Well, not until Dylan leaves." Dylan said, "Okay, have fun, I guess," and left.

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