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"Sean and I had an amazing friendship and had been through so much together," she shares. I realized that it wasn't fair to him me, so I ended things."While breakups are never easy, a split with someone who started as a friend can feel like a double loss, especially if they're more emotionally invested.
"I admitted to him that I wasn’t in love with him; his heart shattered right in front of me," she recalls.
This article was co-authored by Jessica Engle, MFT, RDT.
Jessica Engle is a relationship coach and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Valeria Chuba, integrative sexologist and host of the Get Sex-Smart Podcast.
"It may sound a bit cold, but with so much at stake, running a cost/benefit analysis on your potential romantic involvement with a friend before you confess your feelings can be really helpful."She continues, "If you do decide to go ahead and pursue romance with a friend, it's very important to not get too attached to a positive outcome.
When someone was important to you romantically, it's natural to want to hold on to that connection. As you move forward, remember to keep your emotions in check to sustain the relationship long term.
Jessica is also a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Registered Drama Therapist with over 10 years of experience. Jessica Engle, the director of Bay Area Dating Coach, says: "Before you can be friends with your ex, you need to both move on enough for it to genuinely be a friendship.
If you've been thinking about sharing your "more-than-friends" feelings with someone you care about, read on to determine whether it's worth the risk."I entertained the idea of Sean and I becoming a 'thing,' and told him I had feelings for him and wanted to see where it goes."It turned out that their feelings were mutual, and they went on to date for five years.But eventually (and despite their close friendship), she realized that the key ingredient that bridges the gap between platonic and romantic affection — attraction — was missing. I wanted to be in love with him, but eventually came to terms with that the fact that I wasn't and could never be.With your feelings, and of course, a friendship at stake, dating a friend you've known for years can be the best — and most terrifying — thing ever.Needless to say, the deciding factor is whether or not your feelings are returned, and whether you gain a significant other or lose a close confidant.